Embrace the journey on your way to your destination

I have been very house bound these past few weeks. Actually to be more specific room bound. I spend much time on my bed with my laptop on my lap (go figure) and the television playing in the background. So this Thursday after work I decided to get some much needed exercise and go for a walk on the Greenway boardwalk a mile from my house.

It was near 5pm so the sun was starting to take its decent and it begged to blind my eyes, the fall leaves crunched under my feet, the smell of cool air embraced my lungs and grabbed so tightly making it more and more difficult to breathe as i took each passing step. I was about half way through my walk when i noticed a side path off of the main boardwalk. Deciding that this adventure needed some spicing up I decided to follow the dirt path. Beyond the trees i found a little stream, so I sauntered down to the edge of the water and plotted myself down. I just sat and listened to the water trickle past and I couldn't help but wonder; when was the last time I enjoyed my surroundings? I was hard struck to find a time when I simply enjoyed the journey, not being completely preoccupied with my destination. Something so simple as going for a walk, the entire time I am walking I usually am concerned with how long I have been walking, how much longer I have to go and when will i reach my car so I can begin my next task. How many times have I missed the colourful crunching leaves under my shoes, or the warmth of the sun on my face or the pure fact that God has created such beauty all around me and I ignore it almost every single day.

In the grand scheme of things I have been living my life much with the same attitude as I have when I go for a walk, what is my destination and how long until i get there. I am so concerned with what my next step is in life that I miss the enjoyment of taking the step. It is time to stop walking through my life like a New Yorker, only concerned with where I am going, and instead start enjoying everything in my life with all my five senses maybe more so like a tourist visiting the big apple for the very first time. There is no point in getting to ones destination without being able to remember the journey that got you there.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

So I am sitting on my bed with my laptop in tow and I can't help but think, I have done this before. I went to work, I came home, relaxed with coffee, some blogging and then proceeded to have dinner on the back porch with my parents and grandmother. Guess what, now I am back on my bed fervently typing and watching T.V. Wait I have done this before, over and over and over again. I need to spice things up a little, any suggestions? 

He Knows Just What I Need...

I have recently started a second job, both jobs in retail. Everything was going great until i ran into a scheduling issue. It seemed both jobs wanted me to work the same day or at least be available to work and neither was willing to budge meaning i had a dilemma. I started freaking out; my mind went every which way, essentially creating a much bigger problem in my head than what it was. None the less, I was frantic and in my time of need i prayed. I asked God to help me work with both my supervisors in order to come to some kind of conclusion. I also ask for my one manager to be accommodating and understanding to my situation.

Okay so i brought the issue up with my one manager and to my surprise he was very agreeable, said that what I had suggested would work and that it would not be a problem. So that was nothing short of a miracle because I had felt some tension when I initially had out in my revised availability when I first started my second job, but not this time. I am starting to see that God really wants me to rely on him. Whether is is with my finances, my family, friends, workplace, whatever I have in my life he wants me to be able to bring my issues and problems to him. Trust him that he will help me work things out. Well, thank you God for being so good to me. Each and every day I get so see a little bit more of his goodness, and his blessings in my life and I    am so fortunate.

Why Doesn't the Flattery Flatter Me?

Okay, so most of my blog entries, actually all of them up to date have been about my relationship with God. This blog is going to be a bit different. If you do not like different then i suggest you just stop reading when i put the period at the end of this sentence.

My very best friend got married yesterday. cheers, it was such a beautiful day filled with multiple beautiful moments. One of the most memorable ones for me was simply seeing the pure joy in both my best friends face but her new husbands. Did I feel a pang of jealousy? I would be lying through my teeth if I told you that I wasn't feeling some shade of green at a point throughout the night. New people and new possibilities have been placed in front of me, yet I feel so utterly unwilling to taste test any of them? Why is it that i long for something but will not get off the couch or put the bag of chips down to get what I want? Maybe some of you would say it is because that is not the right thing for my life right now and I subconsciously know that, so I am simply avoiding mess. Or maybe there is nothing to even avoid. Now I am simply being cryptic. I think this is where i say adeau. I am just working out some thoughts. Thank you for being patient as I ramble. I needed tp ramble.

What radio station are you tuned into?

So I am struggling right now with including God in my everyday simple life. When i reflect back on each and every second of everyday I am left wondering why I didn't ask God for his advice in this situation, or tell him about that awesome thing that happened to me, or simply just communicating. A relationship falls apart when their is a lack of communication, so why is it any different when it comes to our relationship with God? Why is it that our internal radio stations are only tuned into God when we spend time in our devotions that 30 minutes in the morning? I am left feeling a little less than satisfied living my life this way. So today I challenge myself and anyone else who is willing to join me to live tomorrow and every day proceeding full of an ongoing dialogue with the one who desperately wants to communicate with us.

so now what?

Okay so i am starting to feel settled here in the wonderful south where the peaches grow abundantly on trees. or so they say since i have yet to see a peach tree, but non the less i am rooted. funny thing is now that i feel like i could call this place home i want to leave. But will a change of scenery really make any difference to my happiness? Maybe, one can only find the answer to that question by leaving. But is that what my future holds? I just want to have some direction in my life. This is singularly the most difficult thing for me; surrendering my future into Gods hands. Sure people can tell you over and over and over again that he knows best, and I never doubt them when they speak these words, but there is a big difference in believing something and then actually living your life in it.

Most of my blogs have been filled with insight or some kind of revelation in my life. This blog i feel is going down a very different path. I am just simply putting my thoughts down on paper or better described as on screen. What is next? I guess I will have to be patient. I will let you know when I figure it out.

A Heart Renovation

I recently embarked on an absolutely amazing journey, one that I can only give credit and props to God for. I just spent two and a half weeks in Europe, well to be more specific France, Belgium, and England. I was fortunate enough to join my younger sisters semester abroad for the last leg of their journey which included the three countries I just mentioned. I went with little expectations as to what I would take away from this experience and man was I ever surprised in the end.

If you have read my past two blogs you will already know that some life altering events have occurred within the past 6 months. Well they just continued to pour out as I was in Europe.

Initially I was very hesitant about how I would integrate into the group. There was a total of approximately 33 people, all who knew each other from school and who had just spent the past 5 weeks camping and traveling across Europe with one another. Would I fit in, or would I feel like a complete outcast? Well two days had passed and I was completely convinced that I would not be making any new friends. I told my sister "I don't paint, I don't understand art, I can't play guitar, I am not a writer, I was a science major, I DO NOT FIT IN." My sister convinced me not to make judgements and to just go with the flow. I was trying, truly I was but I wondered if I could or would be accepted for who I am.

Two more days passed and Paris was in our rear view mirror and Belgium a picture painted over the horizon. I was starting to feel a little better about the integration process and really felt like I had made a hasty judgement of the people I was spending the next three weeks with. To be honest I cannot pin point an exact moment or interaction when everything changed, instead it was an accumulation of heart felt conversations where I was able to share who I am, tell people where I have been and discuss where I am heading or hoping to go in my life. It was wonderful; I was finally able to put everything I have learned about myself in the past 6 months into action, and better yet people responded positively to the mask free Hannah. Who would have known? Ironically God did :)

All that validation and healing from the past months that God had been doing on me finally was concreted into my heart by the people that he put in my life.

I have discovered that life is an ongoing renovation and if you allow God in you will be drastically and indescribably transformed in a way that no one can ever put into adequate words. He rescued my heart and so delicately has been doing surgery ever since.